The past three days have been interesting for me. Very busy. For the first time in months, I was able to attend our church's kids' ministry night on Friday. It fills me with such joy when I'm there because the kids all enjoy it so much, and they really listen and take things away from the nights. I come into our practice for that night, and a lady was talking to us about her family and the trials that are happening within it. Let me tell you that all Hell has broken loose on this family, and I honestly do not know how they are holding it together at all. That is a miracle and just a testament to God in itself. She started crying as she explained the situation, and it really stirred something in me. What kind of strength does it take to stand strong for your children while their lives fall apart, especially when you feel like falling apart as well? How does one lay aside their own pain and cover that up to remain strong for the ones experiencing the worst of it? How do you do that?
For almost a month now, a lady in our church has watched as her husband, who has been one of the healthiest, most hard-working people I know, fell ill to the point where it looked like he could pass away at any time. Thank God that He had another plan. The man has been making progress and recovering, but it is very likely that he will never be able to work again (or at least not to the same capacity as he previously did). This morning in church, though, she prayed for multiple people around the altar, all the while knowing that her family's situation probably surpassed the situations of the people she was praying for. How do you not only hold it together for your family, but continue to persevere and minister to people while in your greatest pain? How do you do that?
This morning I walk into church to see a lady I love dearly weeping. Someone had simply mentioned the name of someone very special in her life, and she just fell apart. She battles so much that she never lets others see. She's a very private person, yet today, her pain was too much to hold in. I know she's not someone that likes for people to see her cry, so I knew it had to be bad. I felt so much sadness for her. I slid my hand onto her shoulder and just sat there with her, just to try to let her know I was there for her. I'm not great at consoling or having the right words, but I figured her feeling me there beside her would mean something. How does someone hold all that in to the point that they break? How much pain has to build up for someone that doesn't show that kind of emotion to let it pour out? How do you put your needs and feelings on the back burner to prevent feeling like a burden to people? How do you do that?
This all leads to tonight. I open Facebook to see pictures of a friend of mine from my church group on campus in a hospital bed attached to machines. A simple pain in his body led to him being in the ICU with the possibility of never being able to walk again. He wasn't able to breathe on his own. He had just been playing volleyball (which I do twice a week), felt a pain, and ended up in the hospital. They said in the back of the ambulance, he made a statement that if he died, he knew he would be with Jesus.
Then God hit me. Like, for real, I felt like He slapped me upside my head. He convicted me, and then He reminded me of all that I've seen the past three days.
I find it easy to get caught up in the drama of my everyday life. The absolute nonsense of it all. Whether it's sometimes getting irritated with my friends, having to work, guy problems, or family-related, I let my life get the best of me sometimes. As a worship leader, I minister every service. There are some services I have attended knowing that I needed something, but I still poured out to people. No matter the state I'm in, I try to minister, but lately, I feel like I've started becoming numb to it all. How do you see all this trauma going on around you and still feel like you have something to complain about? It's stupid, but I do sometimes. Somehow the situations in my life still manage to cloud my vision to where I see my own problems first. Meanwhile, God's showing me people in my life that are actually going through Hell, and whatever I'm dealing with right now is so insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
My family is healthy. My aunt has recently battled breast cancer, and she is currently undergoing chemotherapy for it, but she is doing incredibly well. She wore her wig to church this morning with a smile on her face, and most people thought it was her real hair. I have parents that are still very much in love, and my household is calm (well, besides the fact that we're crazy and loud). I am in college and only a year away from graduating. I attend a church that loves and supports me, and that really is a model for what a church family should be. I attend a church on campus that gives me friendship and an opportunity to minister to people my age. I receive so much Godly advice there from my friends. God has given my friends who have shown me kindness and love. I'm an "honorary" aunt to a little girl that has my heart and that I get to watch grow up. I will get to be someone she grows up around and hopefully looks up to, and every day, she is a reason why I try to better myself: so I can be someone worth watching and imitating. I'm not the best singer by any means, but God has given me the ability to sing and put my thoughts into music. I'd be even crazier if I didn't have that outlet of expression.
He reminded me today that I need to stop being petty. I AM BLESSED.
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and allowing that to prevent me from fully understanding the weight of the needs surrounding me. God called me to minister, and I can't minister if I'm neck-deep in self-pity and unresolved issues. I need to grow up.
So to both myself and you reading:
None of the stuff that is stressing you out would matter if your children's lives were falling apart. Hurt feelings do not matter when your loved one could go to eternity at any minute.
Rude comments and anger would not matter if you could not speak to the person you love most.
And your prayers about God sending you the love of your life seem awfully petty when your friend can't breathe on his own.
You're not wrong for being hurt, angry, or offended by people's actions. Your reactions were probably deserved. You're not wrong for wanting to do well in school or your job. God wants you to succeed in all that you do! You're not wrong for wanting God to send you an incredible partner to live your life with. He wants to send that person to you in due time.
But we are all wrong when we place the importance of these things over God and His ministry in our lives. Whenever a "good ole Christian" makes an ungodly remark at you, they are definitely wrong in doing so, but don't let that person take you away from the presence of God. Don't let them win or destroy you. Don't let that cloud your judgment to where you can't see a reason to stay and continue ministering to people. When we care more about having a relationship with a guy or girl than one with Jesus Christ, we are WRONG. When we come to church constantly only looking to receive and never expecting to give, we are wrong.
We need to get to a point where we can be aware of the magnitude of our own needs, but not allow them to cover up how major the ones in other people's lives are. I am reminded of the Hillsong song "Lead Me to the Cross." A line in it says, "Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost." I think that's what He's calling us to do. All the small things... let them go. Turn our eyes to the hurting people in the world and the ones who don't know Him and to get over our hang-ups. In the end, only what you do for Him will matter. We forget that. When it comes to Him and His calling, I need to put aside my little things so I can minister to the ones who need hope and deliverance now. I need to be ready to be used instead of feeling bad for myself or letting things get me down. I need to get over myself and see the bigger, and more important, picture. These people need help NOW, and I am so unbelievably selfish if I let my nonsense keep me from showing God's love and power to them. I want to be able to count all else outside of Him as lost when He calls me. I want to be able to leave the baggage behind when He wants me to sing and speak. I want to be a willing and usable vessel.
There are more people in the world than just you and me. There are more struggles than just the ones we and our select few deal with. There is a world crying for hope, for peace, for clarity. We are failing them so badly if we are so consumed in our own nonsense that we can't lead them to the love of Christ. We need to also be lifting up our brothers and sisters in Christ because I would dare say that nobody who is truly serving God now has a life that's a bed of roses. We need to be praying for and ministering to each other more than we ever have because that's what it will take to keep everybody going. That and their relationship with Jesus firstly.
Tonight, God just reminded me of how unbelievably blessed I am, and to stop worrying and instead start freely placing my life even more into His hands. I am such a little piece in this grand puzzle, but I can make a great impact to the pieces surrounding me if only I will allow God to work through me even when I don't feel like it. I want to live this life in the knowledge that God has me, and all these people I mentioned, in his hands. Not a thing will touch us that He doesn't allow. We have to keep believing there is PURPOSE in all of this, and the purpose for this topic is not a universal one. It's whatever the person has to learn in the situation. Maybe they need to learn to trust Him more. Maybe they need to put Him first instead of other things. Maybe they need to listen. The reason for these trials in our lives is different depending on what God needs to teach us and what He has in store down the road. We may not ever know the reason for it during our time on this earth, but I believe that we will know in Heaven.
The best example I have is that my grandfather developed cancer late in his life and spent all those years not knowing Christ and chasing things of the world. On his deathbed, he became aware of his humanity. He finally realized that he needed God, and maybe that wouldn't have happened if his health had stayed in tact. God did not give him cancer (life happens), but I believe cancer led my grandfather to God. It was hard losing him, but I can definitely say it would have been harder losing him and wondering which eternity he was in. Now, my family doesn't have to worry.
In conclusion, let's stop being petty. Let's stop letting the little things in life make us think we have it the worst. Let's stop sitting down with empty faces and being unaffected by the tragedy around us. Let's start feeling one another's burdens. Let's start praying for others like we would want them to pray for us. Let's start coming to church ready to minister, not expecting to receive but being happy if we do.
There are people knocking on the door if only we are listening for them to come in.
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